Letting Go

Blessed Interruptions

~ Susan Brown ~ 4 Comments

She didn’t have the look of a seasoned hitchhiker. Aged in her thirties and wearing baggy shorts, a t-shirt and thongs, she turned toward us momentarily, revealing a face lined with worry as she lifted her thumb.

Mark glanced at me, his eyebrows raised, as we drove past. ‘Should we pick her up?’

‘Yep.’ I nodded, checking my watch. ‘We’ve got time.’ My husband knew I was wary of hitchhikers. But something in this woman stirred my compassion. If we left her behind, I was sure I’d regret it.

Stopping for this stranger wasn’t part of our plan for that evening. It was our 27th wedding anniversary and we’d been following our usual tradition of celebrating all day. We’d walked the Zigzag Track at Cataract Gorge with our teenage daughter, picnicked on a blanket in the shade of a spreading tree, then taken a cooling dip in the river that flowed behind our house. All we wanted to end the day well was a quiet dinner for two at a special restaurant.

That final part of our plan had already faced some challenges. Vague as we were from moving interstate only two weeks earlier, we realised that morning that we’d forgotten to book a table. Being a Friday in the peak of summer, free tables were going to be hard to find. So, as we walked, lunched and even swam, our conversation kept turning to the dinner problem. Again and again, we scrolled through websites and made phone calls, only to keep coming up with the same answer—no room.

The afternoon wore on, the scorching heat began to wane and we still hadn’t found a solution. After our swim, we showered and dressed ready to go out, then sat side by side on the couch—one armed with a phone, the other with a laptop. Dining out was a treat reserved for days like this and we weren’t ready to drop the idea. Not yet. There had to be a place for us somewhere, surely.

LORD, You know where it is. Please show us, we prayed for the umpteenth time.

We broadened our search, researching cafes and vineyards up the river—they had closed at 3pm. We looked at more restaurants in and around Launceston—all were fully booked until late. My thoughts drifted, picturing where I might set up a special table for us at home—we’d done that plenty of times before. But on this day, it just felt wrong.

Finally, at quarter past six, we discovered a restaurant in a new hotel on the edge of town. Mark phoned. They had room for us! We booked a table for 30 minutes later, kissed our daughter goodbye and set off on the 20-minute drive.  

Now, here we were, performing two U-turns so we could pull up behind the lady on the highway. As our car slowed, she turned and looked at us, her eyes narrowed. I climbed out of the car and offered my best smile and friendliest voice. ‘Hi! Would you like a ride?’

She hesitated, her gaze moving between us, then nodded and walked the few metres to climb into the back seat. ‘Thank you.’

I lowered myself into my seat and turned to face her, my smile still fixed in place. ‘I’m Sue. This is Mark.’

‘Hi.’ She spoke quietly.

Mark glanced in the rearview mirror. ‘We’re heading through town. Where would you like us to drop you?’

She named the area and Mark pulled onto the highway.

‘Thanks for picking me up.’ Her words sounded strained.    

‘That’s okay.’ I kept my voice bright. ‘It’s pretty hot out there.’

‘Yeah, it is.’

‘Had you been walking for long?’ Mark asked.

‘I went to visit a friend.’ She took a breath. ‘I was there for a couple of hours and everything was fine. Then he got angry and started yelling at me. I don’t even know why.’ She was silent for a moment before more words spilled out. She told us her friend had started acting strangely—like someone she didn’t even know. When she tried to calm him down, he wouldn’t listen. Then he became more aggressive. ‘I wanted to help him but, in the end, I just opened the front door and ran. I had to get out of there. It wasn’t safe anymore.’ 

‘It’s good you left when you did,’ I said. ‘That must have been really scary for you.’

‘It was.’ I heard the tremor in her voice. ‘I was afraid he might follow me, but he hasn’t.’ She lowered her tone. ‘I keep wondering what he’s doing now.’

Mark eyed her in the rearview mirror. ‘Are you worried he might hurt himself?’

‘Yes, I am.’

‘So . . .’ I spoke softly, ‘do we need to take you to the police, then?’

She hesitated. ‘Mmm. Yes, I think so.’

While we drove to the police station, she rehashed the story as if she was still coming to terms with it. When we pulled up across the street from the station, I sneaked a quick look at my watch. Our restaurant was only two blocks away. Maybe we could still make it to dinner on time. Maybe. But if we ended up getting there late, that was okay. This woman’s safety was more important.

A couple of minutes passed and the woman remained in her seat, still talking through what happened. I turned to see confusion and pain flickering in her gaze. She paused and looked me in the eye. ‘I don’t understand why he would do that . . . I’m his friend.’

‘I know.’ My heart went out to her. She was so shaken. What could I do to help? She needed peace. The best thing I could do was pray. But would she let me?

At that exact moment, I noticed the necklace she was wearing—a fine, gold chain bearing a beautiful, delicate cross. My heart lifted. Of course I should offer! ‘Would it be okay if I pray for you?’

A look of surprise flashed across her face. ‘What?’

I gave a lopsided smile. ‘Can I pray with you before you go?’ 

‘Oh. Okay.’

She asked about our church and explained wistfully that she used to be involved with a small, local church group but had lost touch.

‘ Let me pray for you.’ I reached towards her. ‘Can I hold your hand?’

With one swift nod, she grabbed my hand with both of hers and gripped it firmly. 

I tightened my grasp in response.  ‘What’s your name?’

‘Meryl.’ (name changed for privacy)

I closed my eyes, ready to pray. Instantly, all our struggles about where to eat shifted into perspective, like the fragments of a kaleidoscope coming together to form a beautiful picture. Suddenly I understood. I held my breath, in awe of God’s kindness. It wasn’t a coincidence that we were driving down the highway when Meryl needed help. If the evening had gone according to our plan, we would have passed through earlier or even headed in the opposite direction. But God had set our course according to His timing and His plan. Amazing!

I squeezed Meryl’s hands and looked directly at her, speaking with conviction. ‘God loves you, Meryl, and He watches over you wherever you go. He loves you so much, He even arranged for us to be coming through tonight at just the right time to pick you up. And He’ll keep taking care of you as you look to Him. He’ll never let you go.’     

I prayed for her then—with Mark adding his amens from the driver’s seat—that God would fill her with peace, help her feel His presence and give her the courage she needed to tell the police what happened that afternoon. We prayed for her friend too, that God would surround him with His angels, help him get the support he needed and bring his mind back to a more stable, peaceful place. When I finished, we all opened our eyes.

‘Well, I better go now.’ Meryl unfastened her seatbelt and reached for the door handle.

‘Would you like me to come with you?’ By this point, I was happy to join her at the police station if it would help.

She shook her head. ‘No, that’s okay. I can do it.’ She directed her words at both of us before climbing out. ‘Thank you for helping me.’

‘It was our pleasure.’

‘No worries. Bless you, Meryl.’

We watched her head across the road, still cautious but perhaps a little steadier on her feet.

Our prayers continued as we drove the short distance to the restaurant. We arrived only ten minutes late. Our table was waiting, the venue was peaceful and our meal was delicious. But those details paled in comparison to our wonder at the lavish love of God—and the joy it was to play our small part in His work in Meryl’s life.   

Most of the time, we view our days according to our plans, our desires, what we think is best. But—much as we might like to think otherwise—the world doesn’t revolve around us. It revolves around God. And sometimes He wants to interrupt our plans for the sake of someone else, so they can be blessed.

I wonder how many opportunities we miss because we’re so focused on satisfying our own cravings or getting through our list of tasks. God wants to lead us by His Holy Spirit, to help us see the opportunities He gives and take our place in His purposes. If we choose to resist His interruptions and reject the opportunities He gives, I have a feeling we’ll miss out on some of life’s most awe-inspiring moments.

‘If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.’ John 15:5b

When the Straight Path Takes an Unexpected Turn

~ Susan Brown ~ 4 Comments

I gripped the pages with trembling hands, reading and re-reading the words that had made my heart plummet. This was my final evaluation, a summing up of who I was as a twenty-seven year old woman. How could it be that my time at this place was ending on such a bad note?

I’d spent the past two years at a bible college in Tasmania, living in close community with staff, their families and other students—working, studying, eating, sleeping, laughing, singing, crying and praying together. This well-regarded training centre was not merely a place for academic learning. It was a pressure cooker, a refining fire where the jam-packed schedule and melting pot of cultures and personalities drew our well-hidden flaws to the surface.  

Every four months, each student met with a staff member to reflect on our progress and pray over any areas of struggle. As part of that meeting, we reviewed a checklist—already completed by staff—which offered detailed feedback on our character. The form in my hands that December morning was my final checklist, my graduation ‘reference’.

Up till that moment in my life, ticks always meant I’d done something right. On the form I was holding, most of the ticks affirmed positive attributes—as they had on my prior reviews. My eyes drifted over them quickly, then came to a screeching halt when they saw ticks beside comments like, ‘Somewhat over-emotional,’ and ‘Struggles with change’. To me, those ticks might as well have been glaring red crosses. If the staff who had journeyed with me over the past two years chose to highlight these flaws so late in my training, they must have felt they had potential to impact on the years that followed.

How right they were.

The ten months leading up to that day in early December had been one long roller-coaster ride as I began a wonderful relationship with my now husband and quickly became engaged. Swirling inside me was a dizzying mix of blissful dreaming and sheer terror. Along with the joy of beginning life with this man came the need to let go of my carefully formulated plans for the future. Just five weeks after our graduation, Mark and I would marry. Beyond that, our future was unclear.  For me, that was a very scary prospect.

My growing-up years were as firm and steady as a hundred-year-old oak. Almost all my family’s favourite memories were made in the same house at the end of the same quiet street in the same tiny Sydney suburb where my parents still live. We holidayed in a predictable pattern, heading inland for a dose of farm life at Easter and driving a few hours north in September to swim, fish and sunbathe. My parents followed consistent routines in what time we ate dinner, what days the lawns were done and what tv shows we watched each night. Life was stable and predictable and that gave me a great sense of security. It was no wonder uncertainty made me nervous.

The funny thing was, the closer I grew to God, the more change He brought into my life. The idea of living in total abandon was alluring—I wanted to follow God’s call, not shrink back from His purpose for my life. Yet every time He led me into something new, the drastic changes required had me panicking, wondering if I’d cope. He led me to leave my family and friends to look after orphan babies in Taiwan for six months, spend some time with missionaries in Africa, move to Tasmania to study, marry right after graduating, start a family as soon as we married, homeschool our children for more than a decade, move house six times, move interstate again to an unfamiliar region—this time with three of our four children in tow, unveil my secrets in a memoir and publish it for the world to read . . . and the list continues to grow.

Photo credit Esther Brown

There’s a little habit I’ve noticed I slip into whenever I face major change. I grab onto control wherever I can. It’s kind of a battening down of the hatches ready for a storm—probably in an attempt to control the storm roaring inside me. Thirty years ago my desperate clutching became self-destructive when I focused all my energies on extreme dieting. These days, through God’s healing, it manifests in smaller, more constructive ways. I become more determined to keep the house tidy and the day-to-day routines flowing smoothly. It’s my way of fostering a sense of security, despite the upheaval going on in other areas.  

A few weeks ago, I realized I was doing this again and stopped to ponder why. There were staff changes happening at work, my responsibilities were increasing and my husband’s schedule was becoming crazy-hectic. Then came some news from my publisher that meant my book would soon be distributed a little differently. These changes, while challenging, offered potential for good results. But none of them were expected—and I was thrown. I thought, after our crazy COVID year, my life was finally settling down to a manageable rhythm. Yet, everything was still changing and my sudden fussiness about the house showed I wasn’t coping.

I kept telling God I was scared of being overwhelmed and asking Him to give me strength and show me His way through, while on the inside, some part of me was bucking against the whole situation. Why am I always having to change and adapt, Lord? Can’t everything settle down now?

When I finally stopped talking long enough to listen, here’s what I felt God speak to my heart:

“Trust Me. I love you and I am working all this for your good. Every change has a purpose and is set to move you forward. Even closed doors are part of the forward progression, re-directing your course in line with My plans.

None of the journeys of My people have been straightforward. All have had unexpected turns and winding convolutions. It’s all part of the mystery and wonder of adventuring with Me, of learning trust and dependence and security, even when you can’t clearly see the way ahead. Those times when you think you’re settled on a certain course, then everything suddenly changes, confront you with the fact that you’re not in control—you’re not God. They bring you back to that place of child-like dependence, of thankfulness for every provision, every reassurance. And they reveal to you that I am well able to fulfil My plan, even through a different avenue than what you envisioned.”

It’s hard to describe the peace that came with that shift in perspective. Of course, God was working it all for good. Wasn’t that always His way? Every change He’d led me into so far had come with great cost, yet such richness of His presence and goodness that, in hindsight, they became the high points of my journey with Him.

So, again, I made a choice to embrace the adventure, knowing that with it comes growth. It’s all worth it. And really, life would be very dull without God’s unexpected turns. Those ‘surprises’ stretch us and take us to a place of greater intimacy with Him, greater thankfulness and ultimately, greater joy.

‘I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,

along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

I will turn the darkness into light before them

and make the rough places smooth.

These are the things I will do;

I will not forsake them.’

Isaiah 42:16